Greenstorm's Journal

The vet came back from holidays and I'm talking to them about castrating the babies. I was describing Christmas eve, out there with the drill, putting up the roof over Rapunzel. And I said, "And actually I loved it. I mean, you wouldn't think..."

And she said, "I completely understand. We all are like that here".

I feel not-alone in a way I maybe never have? It's a tiny piece of me, but it's deep.

It's not until I'm immersed in other people celebrating Christmas, New Years, and birthdays that I realise how important my personal holidays are to me and how little attention I pay to the standard package.

It's good to remember that, especially that some folks really care about birthdays.

It says something about the soundness of my job search frame that I've got a bunch of applications in to places despite the fact that I'm having trouble getting anything else done.

Tucker came over on the weekend and we watched Gentleman Jack. I apparently don't like extended story arcs - I like my entertainment tension to be resolved within a week or two of watching time. This was a short enough season to get it done, which I appreciated. I also appreciated... is this the only time I've watched a show that had relationships that ring true to mine? Two folks in a bed, sex fizzles out and they're talking, the relationship has difficulties because they're not making the same choices, they still love each other and are important to each other, the relationship has popped in and out throughout their lives? A person with folks who tend to leave them in favour of more conventional relationships? Having a relationship partner say that the foundation of the relationship is bad and unnatural and immoral because it's non-normative? Having a partner simultaneously admire how openly the other lives their life and be honest about it themselves to other people? And, honestly, having a non-normative person unafraid to take up their space in the world? Playing the game where, if you present it as normal enough, they'll go along, but of course it does take energy and fortitude? Yeah, I needed that show. So much.

We also put the roof on the quail coop. My 1 to 2-day project keeps dragging on, but just walls and meshing in the windows and I can get the brooder out of my livingroom.

It feels really good to build a building. Building with someone, those memories will always be in there when you use the building. It binds them, or your memory of them, to the land. Every memory I build into this land makes it harder to lose Threshold.

And so I apply to jobs, and look at my budget: my take-home pay may decrease by 40-50% if I stay here.

We'll see.

It's hard right now.

There really aren't people like me in the world. There are people I love and people who make me happy, but i don't have anyone like me. Not even folks who understand me well enough not to make huge false assumptions.

Makes sense for me to focus on places of overlap with individuals and keep the rest private.

My property, my garden, my animals, and achievements at work make me happy. Snuggling and conversation can make me happy if people are carefully selected. Overlapping hobbies can make me happy. Have to be satisfied with that, i think.