Runaround

Nov. 8th, 2022 04:18 pm
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So on Saturday I went in to pick up Tucker from the airport. It's just under two hours' drive in summer, about two and a half hours safe winter driving, and we'd scheduled his flight for midday so we'd have light to drive home in.

Saturday was the first real snowfall, and the first strike of deep cold. Because it was the first snowfall the ground wasn't frozen yet, and the snow fell, froze onto the roads, and then turned to iron as the temperatures dropped. This happens sometimes, where there's a literal sheet of ice and the ploughs can't get it off. You drive slow, be careful. There's no real telling where the lines are on the road, there are just alternating stripes of ice, clear asphalt, and sometimes ridgy strips which can be either the rumble strips on the side of the road or the fancy textured part of the plough but there's no way to tell which.

Driving in this requires a lot of concentration and I don't like it, but the day had cleared up by the time I was on the road so visibility was good, and there was supposed to be lots of daylight to drive home. Tiring, but fine.

The plane was delayed, and delayed, and delayed. By 4:30 or so the temperature had dropped to -10. The little airport has dropped masking requirements, so I was hanging out in the truck getting pretty cold, and the sun was going down. I ended up at a hotel where I turned the heat immediately up to 80F and made a cup of tea. By 7 the flight was cancelled; I'd been hoping the flight would come in late and we could hole up at the hotel and drive back in the morning.

I'd fed the animals already, anticipating a late day, and settled them in for the cold. I knew they'd need water in the morning, though, and extra food - everything would be frozen solid. There still isn't really enough snow to "drink" and that's not ideal anyhow, dehydration makes both consuming enough calories and keeping warm difficult, the air when it's that cold is super dry, and water is as I said mostly iron. So I was prepared for this.

The flight was rescheduled for 11 the next day, which I figured, fine, that's about as late as I want to push the animals but fine. By the time Tucker got to the airport and lined up, that flight was cancelled too, and I headed home.

The drive home was a lot. There was roughly 50 miles of solid ice, the kind where if you're going straight and holding speed you're fine but even slowing down just slightly the ABS kicked in. My truck is pretty light in the back normally anyhow, and though I got up to 90kph for very brief stretches most of the drive was done at 70 (yes, my truck's odometer is in miles and I track speed in kilometers, don't ask). The saving graces were that it was a clear sunny day and almost no one else was on the road, so I could creep along without worrying about a train of folks behind me or whether I was on the wrong side of the invisible road lines.

Halfway home Tucker called to say he'd been rebooked on a flight and could be there in a couple hours. I was in full on meltdown mode at this point, but it didn't matter that much because within an hour that flight was also cancelled.

I made it home and just decompressed: fed the fire, gave the animals nice fluffy straw and food, brought milk in to thaw for the pigs (the chiller went down at the grocery store, so I have gallons of milk) and just sat and stared for awhile, then crawled into bed. Exhausting.

It was honestly not the best weekend.

The airline Tucker was using had some sort of system outage, which is why there was such a long issue, but in general airlines seem to be less reliable lately. I guess they've crossed over from rich people travel to normal people travel, and started to erode just like anything accessible to normal people: food, housing, equipment, etc.

The plan may be to try it again this coming weekend, I'm not sure yet. In all that waiting time Tucker could almost have driven up and back, and that may be the option on the table in the future. We'll see. I am glad he wasn't driving that iced-over road at least.

Meanwhile the cold continues, down to -22C tonight. That's fingers sticking to metal and deep breaths that make you cough. Anything that was sitting on wet ground is welded there for the winter. There is sunlight, though, in the brief daylight over the snow and the night with the full moon is enormous and bright.
greenstorm: (Default)
drive through the night:
the feeling of morning;
vision before colour


I got up at 4 in the morning so I could give the stove a bit of a burn on fresh wood before turning it down. The road was dark but not snowy, frosty but not wet. Newly-painted centerlines stood out under my single aging headlight and my high beams had a long reach. Sometimes I had company on the highway, usually in clumps going to the mill, to the pipeline camps, to a town. Often I was alone and that was better.

The Highway of Tears is becoming familiar. The cell signal is much better courtesy of a political push; this is how we deal with missing indigenous women (though to be fair the men die at a pretty high rate too): we put money into a program, in this case into some company's pockets. They put a bus in down here too, though it's not tremendously useful. Meanwhile the folks north of me, in Middle River and Takla, apparently call the ambulence when they are in dire need of a ride to town.

There was a lot of dark this morning. When I woke up, when I pulled out of the driveway with my grow lights shining through the window behind me, the sky was the clear bowl full of stars that dominates our winter landscape. The moon was a sliver superimposed on a sphere, low near the trees, and it took a very long time for the sky to grow pale grey behind me as I headed west.

There's no snow on the fields. The word I associate with this open, windblown, waiting-for-winter feeling is sere, colourless-dun and patient. When the light came up I was in the Bulkley Valley as it opens up, as the mountains rise to shape a valley, as the trees retreat to the hills and leave even the patchwork of the previous valley. With the mountains it feels wilder; with the fields it feels cozier and more settled. I like it here.

When I stopped for gas I could tell it was light because the truck, still for the first time in three hours, started crowing. The ducks were upset, chattering away, and that's always hard on my heart.

Three days of especially hard labour, of angling the vibrating pressure washer to kick up a minimum of bird-shit-spray, stray, and feathers into my eyes and sinuses as the light fled; of rounding up the ducks and pulling out the keepers over and over as they kept running back to rejoin the main group; of hauling and pushing and pulling heavy carriers as gently as possible; of carrying bucket after bucket of grain to every group of animals so they'd have days of food for the day I was gone and for an extra day in case something happened; finally four hours of relentless driving in the dark until the light crept up behind me and a bright spot of sunrise showed in the south (why the colour just in the south? I have no idea).

Unloading was easy, having enough carriers is a blessing that way since the animals don't need to be transferred.

The morning was for errands, but first I passed a sign that said "Alpine World" on the highway. When I stopped, the man who ran the plant shop said he'd forgotten to bring in the sign the other day and gave me a two-for-one deal on winter-bare potted apple trees: a Gloria and a State Fair will join my collection. We chatted about apples for a bit, then I moved on. The feed store was less helpful: $22 for a bag of layer pellets ($48 for organic) and I figure I should just wait till I get home. Then the wholesale place, where I get my yearly bakery-quality flour to mix with my home-ground stuff and where I picked up hedgehog mushrooms grown by a small local company. Since I'm innoculating logs with them I might as well taste them, right? The "taste like crab" thing arouses both my suspicion and my interest.

I'm also somewhere I can replace the headlight that went out the day before, so I picked up one of those and some oil. I think she might be burning a little oil? Too hot to check right now though.

By that time it was 11, and my check-in at the hotel was 1:30. I borrowed their parking lot, right in downtown, and walked to lunch and to more errands and sightseeing: replacing insurance, getting soft pretzels and doughnuts for lunch on the road tomorrow, inhaling and looking for inspiration in the european deli/sausage shop, picking up beer from the local brewery, looking at potter's shops and bookshops.

Halfway through my plate of pierogies and sour cream I noticed a cat come to the front door of the restaurant and sit expectantly in front of the glass. After a nod from the owner I let him in and he stalked meaningfully into the back room; twenty minutes later as I was nearing the bottom of my London Fog he stalked back out and sat by the door again, at which point I let him out. "It's not my cat" the owner said, "but he can come in"

The most delightful part of the town was the little farm/craft hub. It had two walls of fridge and freezer cases, with each little section labelled with a different farm: this one had lamb, this one had pork, this one had frozen meat pies. I was badly tempted by another set of mushrooms, and by a mushroom grow kit, but my strategy of doing a full circle of the place before picking up a shopping basket paid off: I was over budget, but not as much as I could have been.

Beside the fridges and freezers were tables of storage produce, mostly garlic and squash at this time of year. There was a bunch of baking, dried mushroom powder and coffee and jerky, and then the other wing of the building was occupied by arts and crafts. All sorts of paintings were on one wall, glass baubles hung from the ceiling, and a blacksmith's display of hooks and pokers took up the back. Textile arts and cosmetics were displayed in two rows down the center, each arranged by artist as the food had been arranged by farmer. Here was a farmer that raised their own alpacas and spun impossibly soft scarves; there was someone who sewed waterproof canvas diaper covers and bags; on the other wall was jewellery and sweaters and round hats and pointy hats.

Altogether it was perfect: in effect a condensed farmer's market full of lovely displays closely side-by-side. The lovely variety and texture of goods was highlighted by how closely the displays could be spaced: unlike a farmer's market there was no crowd and no one was standing behind their goods watching. Lacking the budget to buy paintings I bought three greeting cards from one artist and four from another which will get clustered in frames in my two bathrooms. I chose three kinds of garlic because of course I did, music and spanish roja and marino, half of each to eat and half to plant. The music was notably bigger than the others. I also brought three chocolate bars out with me, half-sized ones (!) suitable for my way of eating sweets: sour cherry with light and with dark chocolate, and a peanut dark chocolate. The mushroom kit remained behind, as did the soft fingerless driving gloves and the frozen spanakopita and the blacksmith's towel hooks.

With that I checked into the hotel. When I reserved the room I asked for something on the top floor (I don't like people above me) with a bathtub and that's what I got. With a courteous "are you alright with stairs" I was given actual keys and headed down the long corridor, up the stairs, and then back the length of the building to find a big, old, worn, sparkling clean, comfy room facing a quiet back street. One thirty, time to collapse, to touch base with folks, to just enjoy the feeling of...

...there's nothing. My hobbies aren't here (though I brought patterns and books to read) and folks are still at work. These days of working my body hard (I was hobbling last night until I put on my muscle salve) and planning and keeping the pressure on myself let up into this evening of perfect release where I sit in a hotel room and contemplate the options of bath or nap, pizza or sushi, light from a bulb or an open window.

I love this feeling and I also can't get here without the buildup. A lack of demands is in itself a demand, and I can't experience it except when the cliff of necessary work falls out from under me and I'm left in midair, still trying to run and finding that instead I'm flying. In a good world I fly far enough to land on the next, carefully-chosen cliff and dig into another good run followed by another flight, and so on. Pacing those leaps and those runs is everything, is the difference between energy and burnout, is the difference between flying and crashing.

There's room in this space for all of me, for delight in the farm hub and deep sadness as the way the goslings' father called after them as I carried them away, for the texture of locally-raised beef jerky strips and lazy contemplation of dinner and the sideways leap of just sitting and writing instead of any of that. There's room for feeling capable and confident as I look up headlight replacement videos and for relief at being able to go home from a place where civil rights stickers in the windows are all in reference to vaccines and masks and wistfulness and envy and possible future thoughts about living somewhere full of small farmers and a little hub I could contribute to. There's room for my body to be tired and for the bed to come up and support it and for me to stay sitting up, typing, with the silvery feeling of exhaustion in my head and for that to be an ok choice.

Pizza or sushi? Bath or nap? I could install the headlights first, even?

Either way, I made it. I did all of it, on my own, and I am here fully filling up my space.

Vision first, but then: colour.

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