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Always the game
Mar. 10th, 2026 08:55 amAm I in a bad mood because:
1) I think I haven't had a conversation with another human just for pleasure since before christmas
2) More and more things are becoming monetized and people seem to view this as a triumph since more people can pick up more side hustles, instead of viewing it as an insidious intrusion into normal human activities
3) Ecocide
4) Bombing infrastructure necessary for life
5) I don't want to read the books by other authors about Agatha Christie's characters but they keep being recommended to me
6) I probably can't do an 8 day workshop on soda firing and may never be able to again but I want to
7) New meds are doing bad hormone things
If 7, I should do something about it. Realistically I should do something about all of them, but they all require a different kind of response than 7 and maybe 1. I don't think getting a t-shirt made that says "useless eater" is the way forward on any of them, I guess.
I really do want the luxury of being able to crash out because of doing something for pleasure, though. It's a different feeling than wanting to do something but not being able to because I can't work. I really did live a lot at the edge of my ability.
Yesterday I stacked the last of the wood that isn't embedded in the driveway ice flow, and ordered another 3 cord for later this week or next week. Maybe I should have done pottery. Maybe especially I should have called someone to talk. I'm back to being a morning person again, though, and there's no one to talk to during my little windows of energy. Or something. Maybe that's just my excuse and it's just 7) above.
I've played this "which one" game all my life and I'm tired of it.
1) I think I haven't had a conversation with another human just for pleasure since before christmas
2) More and more things are becoming monetized and people seem to view this as a triumph since more people can pick up more side hustles, instead of viewing it as an insidious intrusion into normal human activities
3) Ecocide
4) Bombing infrastructure necessary for life
5) I don't want to read the books by other authors about Agatha Christie's characters but they keep being recommended to me
6) I probably can't do an 8 day workshop on soda firing and may never be able to again but I want to
7) New meds are doing bad hormone things
If 7, I should do something about it. Realistically I should do something about all of them, but they all require a different kind of response than 7 and maybe 1. I don't think getting a t-shirt made that says "useless eater" is the way forward on any of them, I guess.
I really do want the luxury of being able to crash out because of doing something for pleasure, though. It's a different feeling than wanting to do something but not being able to because I can't work. I really did live a lot at the edge of my ability.
Yesterday I stacked the last of the wood that isn't embedded in the driveway ice flow, and ordered another 3 cord for later this week or next week. Maybe I should have done pottery. Maybe especially I should have called someone to talk. I'm back to being a morning person again, though, and there's no one to talk to during my little windows of energy. Or something. Maybe that's just my excuse and it's just 7) above.
I've played this "which one" game all my life and I'm tired of it.
