Relationship Craziness

[greenstorm]

Okay. I've had three major relationship talks - the hard, exhausting kind -- with three different people in the last twenty-four hours. This is like a steamroller. I have one minor relationship and one major relationship that haven't needed maintenance and we're almost to the 24-hour mark, the rest of you had better hurry up to make it in.

I feel completely drained. I really need to figure out what to do in these situations. I don't think the dicussions will get easier, though I used to believe they would as I got better at communicating. I think I just need to learn to say, come talk to me next Wednesday when my batteries are recharged, if it can't wait you're down by one SO.

It feels immoral to say that, really wrong. Is it? No one's there for me 24 hours a day, and that's not through lack of will, that's through ability and prior commitments. Should I stop stretching my ability and bashing my prior commitments?

I need to figure out my boundaries.

Comments

[breklor.livejournal.com]

It's not immoral to say that, no. If you're too drained to give your relationships the energy they need, then take a break, and know that it is for everyone's benefit that you do so.

I think the "if it can't wait you're down by one SO" ultimatum shouldn't be dragged out unless they are being really unreasonable about it.

Otherwise, you're not doing anyone a favour by continuing relationship negotiations at a time when you're tired and cranky and not thinking clearly. You'll wind up making promises you can't keep, or getting angry and doing damage you can't quickly fix.

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Thank you. That makes sense. Are you familiar with this feeling? I'm thinking about 'relationships are your art' or some similar comment that you mentioned.

Do you have any tips and tricks, only $9.99 plus shipping and handling, we accept visa and mastercard?

[breklor.livejournal.com]

I am absolutely familiar with it. I'm dating someone right now that we both know who lives with it. But I've been there too.

I especially know the awful terrified frustration when you don't have the time and/or energy to deal with something and you're afraid that by the time you do they'll have given up and gone away.

Tips and tricks? Only one. They don't give up and go away, unless they were going to anyway.

[darthmaus.livejournal.com]

Tips and tricks? Only one. They don't give up and go away, unless they were going to an

Oooh. Thank you. I need to repeat that one like a mantra sometimes.

greenstorm, Hubby and I just spent *yet another* night embroiled in similar things. I think I know how you feel (exhausted, drained). This one went much better, and resolved a lot, and we both feel good now. I gotta say, I'm ready to drop the angst and have some FUN right about now :-P

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Argh. That's even more frustrating. They never go well when I'm around and people do tend to magically resolve them if I'm out of the picture. :P

It's good that you guys got your stuff together. Let's see if I can keep mine compatible. We're probably going to begin moving into difficult territory for me here with some of the solutions,

I really hate it when my own stuff interferes in someone else's solutions, too.

*whimper*

[darthmaus.livejournal.com]

Argh. That's even more frustrating. They never go well when I'm around and people do tend to magically resolve them if I'm out of the picture. :P

Not the case, m'dear: the previous night was 4am and I was dealing with a bunch of things that I hadn't had the opportunity to ponder yet. Last night, I had had the opportunity to ponder, a few mood-lightening experiences, and a bit more sleep.

You have, on a number of occasions, been instrumental in clarifying communications between he and I (and me and K for that matter). It's an area in which you're far, far smarter than I am (I have good intentions, but am entirely too clumsy).

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

That's the thing, though. I'm not so bad at working with other people through other people's problems.

It's the fact that when I was trying to be part of the solution (instead of just sitting back and keeping my mouth shut) stuff didn't get figured out. When I leave, you guys can figure it out. When I try to be actively involved it doesn't seem to work; if I stay passive and value-neutral and uninvolved it does.

In this case I can consider that your guys managed to simplify a three-person problem into a two-person problem and make it easier to solve, and that perhaps my inclusion as part of the problem was a bad thing and was inhibiting resolution.

I still wish, a little, that I had been part of it. You know?

Having said that, I'm far happier with it solved than not, and curious to know the solutions. I'm hoping, too, that I don't end up obstructing those solutions -- I'm a little worried about my own feeling-left-out complexes, and probably need a good dose of 'where do we actually want this to be/what do we want to do with this longterm/visualise yourself in five years' sort of thing. That can be dealt with in person, I think.

Wow. Really long way of saying 'I feel left out, I need reassurance that I still belong and maybe a little more info.'

At least I'm back in analytical mode rather than actually feeling that stuff. Keeping busy does help one make that switch.

[breklor.livejournal.com]

Just in time for the weekend, from the sounds of it :)

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Actually, I haven't yet worried about that one -- not for years, I don't think. I really do trust the people in my life to make decisions based on data that we sit down and talk about and come to some marginal sort of consensus with, if nothing else.

I have an extremely, extremely low tolerance for being in the middle of a conflict, which is probably why it doesn't come up. I haven't yet learnt the fine art of shelving it and relaxing for a little bit to reset the perspective, or whatever. So I can grudgingly accept the need for a couple of hours sleep, but leaving it unresolved just kills me.

I need to get over that one, right? Because then if I decline to discuss something at a particular time it's pretty much equally stressful to discussing it.

[breklor.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you do need to get over that one... :)

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Easy part down. Now for the how.