So.

[greenstorm]

I've been defining my boundaries in various areas lately. F'rinstance, Juggler's way more paranoid about safe-sex stuff than I am, so I'd just been following his stuff for a long time, but recently I wrote up a list about where I am on that sort of thing.

Administrative stuff on Chia has been eased a bit as I set boundaries around how much 'staff' stuff I'll do as a 'friend'.

Work's more comfortable as I decide how many hours next week I'll work maximum.

Socialising is better as I use instinct and common sense to choose the events I wanna go to and then stick to those.

I notice that if I decide how I want stuff, whether or not it's necessary to know right then, I get into a much better mindspace around it.

Some statements/whatever around relationships, some a little silly:

o No relationships with auto-veto beyond the first six months.
o No new cap-R Relationships three months or less after the past one has ended.
o No one who's not willing to come to my house sometimes.
o No one with untreated mental illnesses (not necessarily medicated).
o No one who's free five or more nights per week on average.
o No one who won't or can't use a condom but has a cock.
o No first-time-with-girls.
o No one who lives with their parents.
o No one who's never held a firm job.
o No live-ins ever without absolute complete free use of the house for me, incl. for poly stuff.
o No one who won't call me back reliably.

Man, it's like being two and discovering the word 'no' all over again.

Comments

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

In your... not so humble opinion, really. Experience is useful in these things. :)

Which ones don't you share, out of curiosity?

[matt79.livejournal.com]

o No new cap-R Relationships three months or less after the past one has ended.
o No one who's free five or more nights per week on average.
o No first-time-with-girls.

The first one has never been important to me, and the second one would only be important to me if the other person wanted more of my time than I was able to give. And the third one is one of my biggest fantasies, so I certainly can't make it a limit. :)

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

See, I have the virgin thing, and I've found: fantasy, good. Actual sex part: good. Emotional insanity: scary.

I guess I've had enough trouble navigating the weirdness of same-gender communication stuff, but I've told you about that, I guess. Have you not found that to be an issue, or it's just not an important drawback to you?

First-timers are pretty lucky to have people like you around, though. :)

I also figure, they should have engrossing, interesting things to do with their life. If they're twiddling their thumbs five nights a week, I'm not interested.

[matt79.livejournal.com]

Yeah, same-gender communication is a bit weird at times, but I find that with first-timers my dominant side really shines through and I tend to be almost brutally blunt. I expect the same bluntness in return, and will push for it if I have to. It's perhaps not the kindest way to be in a relationship, but it's a dynamic that works for me and has worked for others in my past. With more experienced people, or people with strong personalities, it becomes less easy to be pushy, but at the same time, a little easier in general, because wants and needs tend to be a bit more defined by people with more experience and/or stronger personalities.

So, yes, it's an issue, but not an impossible one, and certainly an issue that can work to everyone's advantage if my dominant side gets to rear its lovely gorgeous head.

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Kindest? I'm sure that every partner that person has after you blesses your name for the rest of their lives. If not, they should.

[matt79.livejournal.com]

Aw, now you're just makin' me blush. ;)

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Hey, in my own self-interest I'd send out clone-armies of you to train girls on communication, even if I *didn't* like you. As it is... hmmm. Clone armies of Devon. Mmmmr!

[matt79.livejournal.com]

Bahaha. I think one of me is enough in this world. But if there were two, well, I'd just have to lock me in the bedroom with me and stay there for a bit, so it wouldn't do the world much good. :)

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

See, I'd have severe repellent qualities to myself.

But this is why we need ARMIES! Two Devons per girl!